


boys will be bugs

by bluesandbirds



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Family Dynamics, Friendship, Gen, Platonic Relationships, Tommy-centric, TommyInnit Angst (Video Blogging RPF), someone teach me how to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:08:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26263171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluesandbirds/pseuds/bluesandbirds
Summary: It's not all that being the Boy King of Minecraft.
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity & TommyInnit, Clay | Dream & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Technoblade & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Technoblade & Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, TommyInnit & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit
Comments: 54
Kudos: 800





	boys will be bugs

**Author's Note:**

> this is just fiction, i'm not trying to imply anything about real people or offend anyone, i just thought the song fit tommyinnit really well and picked some moments to go with it. all quotes are directly taken from videos except the wilbur and schlatt one but wilbur mentioned tommy said something to that effect to him when they first met. i will for sure take this down if anyone in this story says they are uncomfortable with this kind of stuff.
> 
> entire fic inspired by the song by cavetown.

_I'm a dumb teen boy_

_I eat sticks and rocks and mud_

_I don't care about the government_

_And I really need a hug_

TommyInnit is loud.

TommyInnit is confident.

TommyInnit is shameless.

Tommy, however, is very few of these things. 

TommyInnit is a part of him he keeps bottled up and tucked away until approximately 7:00 p.m. BST. Another layer he puts on for the camera like one of his red and white T-shirts.

He bleeds content. Bleeds for the content. Runs himself dry and ragged, and when he’s back to being regular, old Tommy he’s left with nothing but an all-encompassing feeling of _empty_.

It’s okay though. Tommy goes to the park and pretends the grass is green enough and the sun doesn’t burn. He drowns out the lack of background music by laughing a little louder at Freddie’s jokes and ignores Eryn’s confused looks when he turns to speak to a camera that isn’t there.

_It's getting cold down here underneath the weather_

_I skipped class to sit with_ _ you _

_I really like your spotty sweater_

_November 2019. The beginning of the rest of Tommy's life._

Technoblade.

Technoblade!

TECHNOBLADE!!!!

TECHNOBLADE knows who he is! Him! TommyInnit!

He just gave his Revenant Flesh to Technoblade! He VC'd Technoblade! The Blood God. PvP Legend. Longtime Hero of Tommy's.

He's going to fail his physics class. But it'll be because of Technoblade!!!!!

Suddenly, the untouchable idol Tommy used to worship through his screen is not an idol at all, but a kind of awkward twenty year old man who would rather commit ritual seppuku than make a typo. Still, he's the coolest person Tommy's ever met.

On stream he jokes about it, but really, in that moment of decision between Techno and his education, Tommy didn’t even think before choosing.

He pays for it later, sweating over a two hour physics exam that he can barely settle down to read, but there’s a /f that bandages that wound right up.

He meets Technoblade and soon after come Wilbur and Philza.

He knows Will finds him annoying. He's a much better liar than actor. It shows every time he blows him off in SMPEarth or mutes him in Minecraft Championships. Tommy shoves those reactions down next to the part of himself that cries out. The views go up. 

_“I really, uh, like your videos, man. Especially the Wilbur and Schlatt content, those are—those are great.”_

Against all odds, he and Wilbur grow closer. He relaxes a little. Lets the curtain draw an inch or so. Wilbur likes the parts of him that Tommy won’t let the camera see. Will gives him genuine advice, helps him plan bits, and tells him that he’s proud of him.

(The viewers joke about it. They make fanart and tweet about the _family dynamic_. Tommy laughs it off, but privately he wonders if this is what being a brother is like.)

Wilbur likes TommyInnit too. He laughs at Tommy’s one-liners and includes him in his bits. Tommy tries not to wonder too much about who Wilbur likes more.

It’s a little embarrassing, how much Tommy looks up to the older man, but the people love it, so he doesn’t hate himself too much for the hero worship that seeps through to the other side of the screen.

(Tommy follows eight people on Spotify. One of them is Schlatt. Three of them are Wilbur.)

Where Techno is inconsistent and Wilbur is judging, Philza is a sturdy presence in Tommy's life. Phil gets him. Wilbur will cringe and shake his head, but Phil is willing to laugh along with him. (Or maybe at him, but Tommy's never noted the difference.)

Phil likes him. It blows his mind because if anyone has a reason to hate Tommy's guts, it's Phil who he was a constant thorn in the side to during SMPEarth. But he doesn't. The older man thinks Tommy's funny. He calls Tommy mature and smart and puts up with him whether he's in character or out. He's Tommy's proudest supporter and fiercest defender. 

He's pretty sure he can do anything if he's got Philza Minecraft in his corner.

_“Tommy knew this because he’s not a fucking idiot. A lot of you think he’s dumb. He’s really fucking smart.”_

(He sings Minecraft parodies and songs for a subathon. He messes around with CaptainSparklez songs and screeches through _Mine Diamonds_ . He knows every word of _Blitz_ and _Internet Ruined Me_.)

The end of MCC5 is a mess. Well, all of MCC5 was a mess, but the end especially. Defeat is bitter on his tongue and the self-consciousness he tries to keep down as TommyInnit is crawling up the back of his throat.

In his position, he’s come across many of his childhood role models. CaptainSparklez is a face in the crowd during every other event. Tommy chats with Technoblade after dinner. Schlatt is a DM on Discord. They’re all great, but Vikkstar?!! Vikkstar is _every_ British kid’s childhood role model. And Tommy just spent two and a half hours making him regret ever downloading Minecraft. The chat speeds past and he sees more _cringe loser trash_ than _POGCHAMP_. He joins Wilbur, Phil, and Techno’s call and it feels like coming home.

There’s real concern in their voices beyond the comments about cyberbullying and joining the Sidemen.

They were worried.

They care. About him. About TommyInnit. About Tommy.

He smothers a grin. _That_ is PogChamp.

“I feel like my little brother just came back from college expelled.”

He meets each of Techno’s quips with breezy remarks and tries to ignore the warmth quickly overtaking the whirlpool in his gut.

_“He really is like my little brother. Techno’s my older brother and Phil’s our dad.”_

_Don't mess with me I’m a big boy now and I'm very scary_

_I punch my walls, stay out at night, and I do karate_

_Don't message me cause I won't reply, I wanna make you cry_

_Ain't that how its s’posed to be? **Though it isn’t me** _

_Boys will be bugs, right?_

He’s abrasive, he knows this. He reads the comments underneath his VOD’s, files the nice ones away for rainy days and imprints the harsher ones into the back of his eyelids. Tommy is well aware of how he comes off. He’s lurked in Wilbur, Tubbo, and the rest of his friends’ chats, he knows exactly what people think of him.

He makes mistakes. He pushes himself to his limits, pushes everyone else with him, and does it until something gives because Tommy’s always known _when_ to quit, but very rarely how. He steals from chests. He burns down Tubbo’s house. He runs. War snaps at his heels.

_“Chat doesn’t care about Tommy alone.”_

He tells himself it doesn’t matter what Fundy says. People like him for him. That’s why they’re on his streams. It doesn’t matter that his videos with Dream in the thumbnail get double the views. That everytime Tubbo shows up his chat freaks out. That people are always asking him to ring Wilbur.

It doesn’t matter that the people he calls his friends just opened up a part of Tommy he tries to hide behind obnoxious laughter and happy Animal Crossing music. And that they did it in front of 15 thousand people on the internet. 

TommyInnit doesn’t falter, but Tommy’s mind is tearing itself apart. Tubbo hates him for this and so does Fundy and Punz and Purpled, and Dream is going to kick him from the server and if he doesn’t have the SMP then all the viewers will leave and then he’ll have nothing and he can’t do that, and Wilbur will be disappointed and Phil will be disappointed and Techno—

No.

Take a breath, TommyInnit. Cue the music. Say the line. 

It’s for the content, he reminds himself, gritting his teeth and pushing forward.

(They make up on Twitter later. Tubbo’s tweet is an olive branch Tommy is eager to grasp, after all he did his fair share of wrongs that night too. If he stays awake in bed, rewatching his VOD for every crack and misstep, that’s nobody’s business but his. Tommy’s got thick skin, but he’s never been bulletproof.)

_I have friends who understand me_

_Their names are_ _ spider  _ _,_ _ beetle  _ _,_ _ bee  _

_They don’t say much but_

_They have always listened to me_

“You’re one of my best friends, Tommy.”

Dream isn’t something he expected in his life. Sure, Tommy’s worn down gods before with his incessant DM’s and barely decipherable Tweets, but Dream isn’t just any god. He’s the number one world record speedrunner and Tommy is the Child from Technoblade.

Nobody must have told Dream that though, because he gives Tommy his phone number, logs in when he sees Tommy’s online, and even compliments him in that way too soft, way too earnest tone of his.

_“Don’t talk to Tommy like that._

_Don’t call him worthless. He’s very worthful.”_

Dream is so nice to him that Tommy almost feels bad every time they end up on opposite sides of a war. Every time Tommy chooses Wilbur or Technoblade over him, but some loyalties run deeper than silly nicknames and mom reveals.

Dream isn’t Wilbur. Dream isn’t Techno.

Tommy isn’t George. Tommy isn’t Sapnap.

In no world are those lines burned in the sand crossed.

They practice PvP. They pioneer a religion. Still, both of them know where their arrows will be aimed at the end of it all.

Where Quackity goes, chaos and nonsense typically follow. 

Tommy should have known this. Should have checked himself more carefully. Rationed the John Lennon jokes. Let himself be the punchline. But he didn’t and now chat is upset and Wilbur _wants to talk after the stream_ and Tommy’s fucked up.

He’s overthinking, he knows he is, but he can’t help it. Tommy keeps one eye on the game and the other on the chat.

Big Q makes a comment about Purpled’s newly constructed Walmart, but Tommy’s gears are spinning too fast to sink into the joke.

“You don’t seem very amused Tommy, what’s the issue?”

He stumbles over his reply, thoughts and words spilling out, half his attention still occupied by the chat.

“The last thing I want to do in this world is offend people.”

(His entire life rests on the whims of strangers as capricious as himself. Everything he is, everything he hopes to be, is determined by these people who he doesn’t know and who don’t know him. He drafts Tweets with Wilbur—agonizing over every letter—balancing humor and what is acceptable, hoping to the heavens that something he says doesn’t cross that line.)

It’s easy to forget, for all his bluster and bullshit, that Quackity is older than him and has been doing this for much longer than Tommy. Quackity drops the joke, removing his retainers for a serious reassurance, but Tommy can’t hear his friend when the chat is still flying past.

“I have nothing wrong with you if you have a lisp, Big Q,” he says.

Quackity is uncharacteristically silent for a moment and Tommy almost falls back into a ramble.

When Quackity does respond, it’s to redirect the conversation towards himself swallowing glue. It’s a bit. Something safe. Something familiar. 

The chat is just a blur in the corner of his eye.

Then, Quackity laughs at his joke and everything’s okay again.

Tubbo is his best friend. 

He's said it time and time again, yet every time it seems to surprise people.

TommyInnit might not appear to value anything more than subscribers, primes, and music discs, but Tommy would let Skeppy burn a thousand copies of _Wait_ just to make a friend smile.

It gets to him every time the chat screams _awwww's_ or _TOXIC_. They don't know him. They don't know Tubbo. Two hours of online content is nothing compared to the 12 hour Discord calls, memes texted back and forth, and late night mining sessions. 

Still, he tones down on the bullying. Goes along with more of Tubbo's bits. Defends Tubbo from other members of the SMP poking fun. He farms his _awwwww's_ and primes.

It's a relief to be able to ease up on this part of his persona, but still he's tiptoeing along eggshells. He doesn't want to be the "toxic relationship" Skeppy insists they are, but he also doesn't want to end up like DreamandGeorge. 

_"I've never had to fight Tommy before. It's gonna be heart-wrenching."_

_"I actually really want Tubbo to do good. Come on man, you got this. My good friend."_

Everything's good, really, and together they're having the time of their lives.

He wonders sometimes, how everything might've been different if he raided somebody else that day. Or if Tubbo wasn't streaming. Or if he never messaged him on Discord. He wonders what he'd be without his right-hand man.

Two _TommyInnit and Tubbo Wholesome Compilation_ 's end up in his recommended. He wrinkles his nose and complains on stream.

(He leaves a like.)

“From the beginning, it's been you and me.

It's been a hella lotta fucking fun, Tommy."

_And if you wanna cry_

_Make sure that they never see it_

_Or even better yet_

_Block it out and never feel it_

Techno wins a duel. Techno wins $100,000. 

_Maybe he’ll come back now._

It's silly, really, to feel abandoned by someone who doesn't actually owe you anything. Nobody else seems bothered by it. Wilbur is emphatic in his messages that it's just the stans overreacting, that it really isn't a big deal and Tommy should just leave Techno be. (Tommy isn't so sure, after all Wilbur is a damn good liar.)

He rewatches the MCC4 VOD more times than he'd like to admit. He tries to relive that moment, that feeling of standing on that platform, fireworks in the background, friends at his side. Being the dream team, no plus required. He grasps for the euphoria, the pride, the _acceptance_ , but it all just disappears like smoke. 

_“I’m sure Techno will be back when he’s—when—when he… Techno will be back.”_

Minecraft Championships 9. The Blue Bats pull a win out of a hat. Tommy saves the vlog gun. Wilbur crowns him an official sleepyboi. Tubbo is secured for his team next tournament.

And Techno comes back.

Tommy tries not to let his desperation—his relief—show too much, but he’s more honest than he ever intended to be when he slips in an _“I’ve missed you, big man.”_

It shouldn't matter, is what he tells himself. It _doesn't_ matter. It doesn’t matter that he hasn’t really talked to Techno or to Deo in months. It doesn’t matter that he’s been betrayed before by Wisp, by Eret. It doesn’t matter that he’s waiting for everyone else to follow suit. It doesn't matter that sometimes Tommy feels really, really alone.

(It keeps happening to him so it must be something he's done. He tries to be funnier, but then people just get mad. He tries to pull back, but then the viewer count drops. No matter what he does he can't seem to win, so maybe it's just _him_.

Wilbur reassures him and Phil just looks sad. Tubbo doesn't get it and Jack is well meaning but unconvincing.)

It's things that he should just brush off. It's just that Tommy would never, ever do that to any of them. It's just that he's always the one left in the dirt, pushed in the mud, shot and stepped on and buried in the sand. He's okay with losing, but he is so, so sick of being made to lose.

He's not mad at Eret. It was a brilliant move on his part. A twist in the narrative nobody saw coming. Nobody. 

Jack Manifold takes bribes from Dream. He's not mad. It's a lot of money.

Sapnap turns against him and Tubbo. He's not mad. They're DreamandGeorgeandSapnap, what was he expecting?

Quackity announces his candidacy.

Schlatt wins the election.

Fundy burns down the flag and rebuilds it in the wrong colors.

He's not mad. He's just a little tired.

People call him clingy. He calls Tubbo clingy. Maybe he's just hoping his friend needs Tommy as much as he needs him. Whenever he sees Tubbo talking to someone else, when Quackity gets him in on one of his plots or Karl pulls him aside _,_ there's a pit that grows inside his stomach. He thinks, _this is it_. 

_“Deo doesn’t—I don’t think—Deo’s doing his own stuff at the minute.”_

_“I don’t backstab people. I only get backstabbed.”_

_“Of course you were the last one I would expect, it’s ‘cause we trusted you!”_

_"...Tubbo?"_

_I just turned **sixteen**_

_And I think this year I'm gonna be mean_

_Just turned **sixteen** and I think I know everything _

_Just turned **sixteen** and I think the world revolves around me _

People think Tommy is materialistic. That he places too much value in objects—in his vlog gun, in his music discs—but it’s just not true.

 _Sentimental value,_ something Tubbo shakes his head at him for.

It’s not the £9 plastic dart gun he cares about, it’s the time spent scurrying around the arcade, Wilbur at his heels and Phil trailing behind with a camera and a laugh.

It’s not the two easily replaceable discs, but the sunsets with Tubbo at his side, overlooking the world they created together. 

He'll get them back.

He’ll show everyone.

Tommy lets Dream, Skeppy, and Schlatt get their petty victories. It doesn’t matter. He keeps going.

Tommy wins. Tommy loses. His smile doesn’t dip. There are 100 thousand people with their eyes on him.

He will not go back to watching Minecraft Mondays under the covers, muffling his shouts so his mother doesn’t get angry.

He will not go back to being the annoying zombie child, taking hits from Sylvee and Pete and being the laughingstock of SMPEarth.

He will not go back to Fridays in maths class, swallowing humiliation under the eyes of his peers.

He’s TommyInnit, killer of women, man of Business, and he does not take L’s.

He remembers the feeling of being the _Hero of L’Manburg_. Of hitting the last shot in dodgebolt. Remembers Wilbur’s uncontained laughter, Phil’s fond smile, and Techno’s proud comments. 

Tommy is happy.

**Author's Note:**

> "I'm a fan of bees, Wilbur, I'm a fan. They're good lads. I always used to sit and watch them in my garden, and I just think they were interesting creatures. We had a lavender bush and I just used to sit and stare at it, looking at the bees thinking... thinking... I'd think _if only I could mind control you, I'd be so powerful._ That's all I'd sit and think. And one day... one day I will." —TommyInnit


End file.
